When asked about himself, Derek's mind collapsed in a post-modern void of
doubt and self-recrimination. Thus is it demonstrated that he is a meek
self-effacing person whose occasional neurotic outbursts can be attributed
to a youth spent in Burleson, Texas, and whose destructive tendencies have
been directed into the socially beneficial pursuits of having a job,
a bus to the job, nodding with vacant interest as his wife weighs the many
color choices involved in repainting the kitchen, and storming through the
empty wilderness, fists raised at the mocking sky, shouting lyrical shouts
of who the heck am I, anyway? with friend and former President Ronald
Some interesting highlights of his life experience thus far:
In the eighth grade, won Best of Show for his division at the Fort
Regional Science Fair, for an experiment on artifical lighting and
hydroponics. This was after receiving no acknowledgement from his school's
science fair, because his experiment was "too hard to understand" and "too
scientific". The event served as a keystone to his critical faculties,
have since been of great service in dealing with salesmen, university
administrators, and Republicans.
Was fired as editor of his university paper, for work on a story
a questionable monetary gift the school made to a county-run arts
organization. This was during a period of severe financial constraints,
tenured professors were being downsized. After several months he was
"unfired" by the university president, who then left to become president
a fundamentalist Baptist college.
Attended schools in Fort Worth, Boston, Reno, and Victoria, BC, where
studied (and sometimes received degrees in) English, English composition,
and television and video.
Worked widely in broadcasting and post-production in the Dallas area,
where he learned to tolerate the Macintosh. He was also able to cognize an
archetype for the deranged producer-director, to better avoid long flights
or car trips with same.
Some interesting tricks he can perform:
Drink an entire glass of milk without making a mess. (The glass
is not a mess.)
Rebuild a transmission without hurting himself. (A mess is
Do his own laundry. (The transformation of a dirty mess into a clean
Some witty things he has said:
"I'd say that the Internet has finally brought the promise of the CB radio
"Yes, I once read The Watchtower. And look at me now."
"Most of these young, ballyhooed independent filmmakers seem to suffer
from their delusions of grandeur being married to their incompetence. I've
made terrible films too, but they're in a box in my closet underneath the
Led Zeppelin records and a saxophone, where they belong."
barefoot fourteen-year-old Indonesian girls can never earn enough to
afford the Nikes they're sewing, I think my going barefoot and not buying
Nikes I can easily afford just helps muddle the morality of the whole
thing in a satisfying, Nineties kind of way."